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Joke of the Day

"The bartender says..... ""We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"" A tachyon enters a bar."

"My girlfriend got a dog, ""Missy."" She messes inside a lot though, especially if I show too much attention to the dog."

"Have you read the book about anti-gravity? Much like that one book, Old Yeller, it's pretty damn hard to put down."

"i tried to ignore my girlfriend's bulimia but she kept bringing it back up"

"My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag."

"My archaeologist friend has invited me to a party to celebrate finding an ancient man's leg. It should be quite a shin-dig."

"I didnt believe my grandfather got fired from his job as a Crossing guard for theft... But when i got home the signs were there"

"My wife looked different today then it dawned on me. Her mouth was closed..."

"I bought some Bose stocks today. It was a sound investment."

"Dads are like boomerangs.... I hope. Edit: Guys I'm so confused, wtf is going on"