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Joke of the Day

"I started working for a company that made hinges It really opened a lot of doors for me"

"I wear lipstick when I go into Walmart so people know I'm not approachable or one of their kind"

"HR said it's not necessary but I like my sickness to be taken seriously by having my mom send in an email validating my degree of sickness"

"Chinese officials are trying to decide whether to spend money on a school or a prison. Finally one of them says: - What are the odds that some of us will go back to high school?"

"I'm ok with it if my son decides he wants Crocs. He has peanut allergy, so it's not like people will hate him more than they already do."

"Or any other Lie! Bro1: Why are you upset? Bro2: I text my GF but she doesn't reply back Bro1: Don't be upset bro, she may doesn't see it, or his mobile dead or she was sleeping or any other lie..."

"I never let people borrow my shoes, because if they walk a mile in them they'll know how much I exaggerate my problems."

"Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say ""I am beautiful"", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense."

"driverless cars???? I don't trust autocorrect to pick the correct word let alone let a car just drive me .... by itself"

"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"