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Joke of the Day

"I wear lipstick when I go into Walmart so people know I'm not approachable or one of their kind"

"A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar. Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?"

"""So sir, have you decided whether or not you'd like to buy this mattress?"" ""I'll sleep on it"""

"Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?"

"What do you call a Lesbian with long fingers Well Hung"

"How do you know a woman is wearing tights? - Her knees swell up when she farts."

"If you know there's going to be a nuclear attack, surround yourself with a bunch of microwave popcorn. Awesome last image."

"What came first? The chicken, the egg or millions of years of evolution that are ignored by a stupid fucking idiom."

"I got 9 inches last night, 8 inches today and 7 inches coming tonight. Obviously, Winter is happy to see me."

"What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with Diarrhea? The farmer has the fits while he shucks."