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Joke of the Day
"Was gonna buy a new car but got my groceries for the week at Whole Foods instead"
Next Joke
"Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know."
"Every time I delete a selfie, I imagine the sound of a Gremlin being burned alive by the sunlight."
"A photon walks through a bar"
"When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say ""Oh my God, it's huge!"""
"What's a Grecian Urn? About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is."
"What do you get hanging from apple trees? Sore Arms."
"There is one thing that can turn a guy into a perfect chick-magnet. It's when he finds himself a girlfriend."
"Its real cute how pedestrians confuse ""right of way"" with immortality."
"Why do software engineers tend to not care about trigger warnings? They're not trigger errors."