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Joke of the Day

"What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Probably get suffocated in his collapsed coffin"

"I just emailed ""This is a robbery!"" to my online bank. Will they just put the $$ in my account or do I have to wait for an email back?"

"Accidentally took an adderall instead of an anti-depressant now I'm SUPER focused on my depression."

"[dj voice] ""Make some noise, Dad Party!"" *dads go nuts* ""Whatcha wanna hear, I'm taking requests"" [in unison] HI TAKING REQUESTS I'M DAD"

"My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing! At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there"

"A Segway segway Oh hey, speaking of Segways...."

"Don't settle for shampoo! Demand real poo!"

"A comedian committed suicide today... Took a knife straight to the jocular vein."

"What's an Israeli ghetto called? Palestine."

"If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting"