157070

Joke of the Day

"See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft."

"Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"I'm my biggest critic. I'm my strongest critic. I'm my tallest critic. I'm my prettiest critic. who's a good critic. yes you. whose a good c"

"My son complained to me that his yogurt was too soupy. I told him to suck it up."

"What did the Jewish lady with Alzheimer's ask her husband? Why doesn't our daughter ever come home for Christmas?"

"*crawls into bed naked* *grabs a book* *sips wine* This is nice. I wonder whose house this is."

"A guy goes to the doctor... He says, ""Doc, every time I drink coffee I feel a sharp pain in my right eye."" The doctor asks, ""Did you take out the spoon?"""

"What's the difference between 8:45 am and 10:45 am? Around 3000 people"

"I meant to type : You're dear to me. I actually typed : You're dead to me. Losing friends is easy."

"What do you call a bovine beauty pageant winner? A big Miss Steak."