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Joke of the Day

"I meant to type : You're dear to me. I actually typed : You're dead to me. Losing friends is easy."

"Did I ever tell you about how I escaped from Iraq? Iran"

"Can Bernie Sanders recover? From his devastating win in Michigan?"

"Due to the rapid response of and crackdown by the NYPD over the phrase, ""Put wings on"

"Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine? Because he found it to be SUB-standard."

"So my dad posted a picture on Facebook with captioned ""Condom challenge fail"" It was a photo of me."

"Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants."

"[interview] ""Tell me about a time you defied authority to achieve a goal."" Me: no"

"A byte walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The bartender asks, ""Rough day?"". ""parity error"" replies the byte. ""Yeah, you looked a bit off..."""

"My first blowjob was like my first bike ride.... Two bruised knees, a sore jaw and my father telling me I was really good for a first timer"