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Joke of the Day

"Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment. And I can't even get *that* right."

"Wait a sec...That's not how the proverb goes! A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful."

"A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening the boy called out sulkily ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'"

"I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym."

"How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him."

"I don't necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!"

"*caterpillar looks up at sky* ""My dream is to fly a plane one day."" Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?"

"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."

"What do blondes and turtles have in common? When they're on their backs, they're screwed."

"I never knew what nationality Santa was until now. I just found out that he is actually North Polish."