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Joke of the Day

"i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami"

"What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist? A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats."

"""Hey buddy, what's up?!!"" -- short honk ""I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"" -- long honk"

"There's an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can't have it... It's eggspired."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool."

"Why should you never date a tennis player? Cause love means nothing to them"

"MASTURBATE JOKE DAD: Son if you masturbate to much you'll go blind SON: Hey dad I'm over here."

"Sequencing. What's the key to a good joke?"

"My mom pops out from under the table while I'm on a date. She's always been a good eater. You see her hips? Good hips. Stand up, show him-"

"What is the difference between a Chicken and a Prostitute? The Chicken says ""Cockadoodaldoo"" The Prostitute says ""Any COCK will do"""