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Joke of the Day

"""Hey buddy, what's up?!!"" -- short honk ""I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"" -- long honk"

"Why did Yellow divorce Green? Because Green blue Indigo."

"I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night and people kept calling me a pedophile, just because I'm 53 and she is 22... ...totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"My niece guessed the capital of Montana is Hannah, and I had to give it to her because as far as I know that's correct"

"Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number."

"I'd like to die in my sleep like my grandpa Comfortably, unlike the rest of the people in his car"

"What happened to Hillary Clinton's emails? [deleted]"

"What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line? Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!"

"Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field."

"Did you know you can use a condom twice? Just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it"