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Joke of the Day

"My Wife made me choose between her, and my Love of Pointing out Doors ""If you want to leave"" I told her, ""There's the Door"""

"I got fired from a suicide hotline Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology."

"Why did the libertarian chicken cross the road? None of your damned business! Am I being detained, officer?"

"Jeb! should be called WTC 7 Never reaching the heights of his namesakes, and falling down without being hit by anything."

"That awesome moment when your best friend likes your Facebook status because they know the story behind it."

"What do you get when you put birthday candles on a pizza? You can't figure it out? I mean, it's a pizz'a cake."

"My girlfriend isn't a fan of Starwars, says I would have to force her to go. ""*ss****SSkkkk****rrowwmm****mzzrreowwwowwww***."""

"I'm a heavy sleeper. Also, a heavy awaker. Okay, I'm fat."

"I bet the Mayans made great boyfriends because they're always wrong about everything."

"A guide to procrastination... I'll tell you later..."