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Joke of the Day

"Why did the libertarian chicken cross the road? None of your damned business! Am I being detained, officer?"

"If you LOVE something, set it free.. If it comes back to you,,,,you love a boomerang"

"Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet."

"Ed Hardy makes a wine. Just tasted some. With full-bodied undertones of asshat, its repugnant mouthfeel would pair well with a cheeseball."

"Cheating is such an ugly way to put it. I like to think of it as outsourcing my sex life."

"Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? A: Nothing. He just let out a little wine."

"GENIE: u have 3 wishes ME: give Taylor Swift 1 extra ear GENIE: k ME: a blue one GENIE: righto ME: now make Kanye hear out of it GENIE: dude"

"Sure, but when I pull men out of a hole in the ground it's called, ""homoerotic necrophelia."" Double standard, Chile."

"What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee"

"Did I ever tell you about the time I went to the doctor to get my blood type when I was super depressed? He said B Positive"