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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a gay loaf of bread? A faguette ^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud"

"I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool."

"The animosity between Republicans & Democrats is NOTHING compared to the hatred between Jeffs & Geoffs."

"I'm not a good cook. At Christmas my family got together and bought me a stove that flushes."

"What do you call a married knot? Monotonous. Bonus answer from my wife: a noose."

"(Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet."

"I'm single because I'm pretty good at recognizing crazy."

"I was arrested for killing a black man and charged with impersonating an officer"

"When u give ur phone number at CVS turn to the person behind u in line & say ""now don't be calling me for a date"""

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"