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Joke of the Day

"Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond."

"Why did the chef invest in chicken and cow bones? He wanted to buy stock options."

"What happened when Harry Potter had sex with a pig? He got hog warts."

"I'm going to need to crash at your place for a few days. My girlfriend caught me measuring my cock the other day. She kicked me out. Apparently it fits right down her moms throat."

"How does a racist laugh? He sniggers."

"Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key."

"Why wouldn't Jeffery Dahmer go down on Terri Schiavo? Because cannibals don't eat vegetables."

"A cat goes to the vet with a septic infection. Hello Pus, said the vet."

"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."

"Chief cop: ""This might be racially motivated."" Ian: ""Hate crime?"" Chief cop: ""We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."""