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Joke of the Day

"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."

"She discovered that a hung jury is nowhere near as exciting as it sounds."

"How'd the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool."

"How many dislexic mods does it take to screw a lightbulb ? [Remodve]"

"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."

"I stare at the cats. ""And in space, if you knock something slowly off the table, it just gently floats away."" They look at me in horror."

"Adderall is really dangerous I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now"

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you had them as a child, you probably won't like them as an adult!"

"Last night I let my boyfriend indulge his ""scat"" fantasy... <sigh> I'm glad I got that off my chest."

"I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday It was a gif."