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Joke of the Day

"*slowly opens eyes after a thousand years of meditation* but where does one throw away a garbage can"

"Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations."

"What do you call a phantom by a campfire? A toasty ghosty"

"There are two pronunciations for uranus. Ur-anus and Ura-nus I prefer ur-mom"

"Does this extra layer of cream cheese icing make my bundt look big?"

"I was sitting in a pub discussing classical music and the bartender said ""we've had about just enough of your stupid Bartok fella"""

"I wear lipstick when I go into Walmart so people know I'm not approachable or one of their kind"

"Why can't the porcelain king go to the bathroom? He was dethroned."

"HER: I think we should see other people. ME: I don't. We're awful. We should leave other people alone."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies!"