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Joke of the Day
"I'm glad the unbelievably loud teenagers on this flight are all white so I can hate them."
Next Joke
"If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?"
"I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said ""I don't do romance"" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE"
"Shopping for houses, it seems like a lot of the houses in my price range need some TLC... But I don't want no scrubs."
"I like my women like I like my coffee... Ground up and in a can."
"Why are there no Jewish male pedophiles? Because not even the pleasure of hard candy is enough to make them spend a dollar on grooming a child."
"Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do"
"I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter."
"Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade."
"What kind of snake is good at building things? A boa constructor."