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Joke of the Day

"You can blame those ""meddling kids"" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost."

"I take my coffee like I take my women... From behind"

"Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him."

"Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger"

"I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying."

"Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading."

"I'm sorry, all I hear is your perfume"

"Our WIFI was down yesterday and I spent 45 minutes trying to fix it. Our dishwasher has been broken for 3 weeks and I haven't even touched it."

"My favorite sexual position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"What is the difference between a yogurt and america? If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture."