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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise."

"You can accurately measure a person's intelligence level by giving them a simple prostate exam. If they let you, they're an idiot."

"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my... KNAWLEDGE"

"Maybe the ocean is so salty because the land doesn't wave back"

"Trying to nurture my inner bully to stay motivated. So far, all I've succeeded in doing is stealing my own lunch money."

"A healthy male organism is the one, which wakes up in the morning before the man."

"Why did the pig quit running the the marathon? He had a problem with his hamstring."

"I'm not totally useless... I can be used as a bad example."

"Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING."

"Last Night my Fiance asked me to tell her something sweet Me "" Hey I'm never gonna give you up... never gonna let you down..."" Her ""That's it the engagement is off. Goodnight."""