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Joke of the Day

"So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test... but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T"

"When you sit next to a talker at the movies you're allowed to hit them in the face and move seats. It's in the ticket fine print."

"I wonder how many people on Tumblr only watch TV shows so they can find things to make into GIFs."

"[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: ""aww cuuuute"" 2nd time: ""ha okay"" 3rd time: ""i am trapped in a nightmare"""

"I was asked who my favorite x-men was. I guess Caitlyn Jenner wasn't a good answer"

"Texas. Where the vegan menu item is chicken."

"If a man opens the car door for his wife... it's either a new car or a new wife."

"I'm the kind of guy who would feel morally obligated to eat what I kill... So please don't try to rob my house..."

"""Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"""

"Now we're going to say some shit to scare old people. -the local news"