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Joke of the Day
"Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time? America just did."
Next Joke
"the most awkward time in my life Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger."
"I prefer my babies *shaken, not heard*"
"Anxiety is like..[doesn't finish the simile due to crippling self doubt and the worry that people will think badly of me]"
"So my dyslexia makes it hard for me to take public transportation and... ...oops. Sorry. Wrong bus."
"Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz? He took her for granite."
"How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke? Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it."
"i look like i'm trying to get water out of my ears when i dance"
"One time I knocked my hot curling iron off the sink & caught it in my open palm because I have the catlike reflexes of a dim-witted ninja."
"""Ramen"". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer"