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Joke of the Day

"Anxiety is like..[doesn't finish the simile due to crippling self doubt and the worry that people will think badly of me]"

"I went to an art contest recently... It ended in a draw."

"The man at the grocery store name is Bobby Chubsucker. He was either very popular or made fun of a lot in school."

"Look what the cat dragged in! *freaks out remembering I don't have a cat and house was built on top of a pet cemetery*"

"Why was the bird sick? It had the flew and its throat was soar."

"My brother just updated his status to ""I love my girlfriend <3"". I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous."

"what fabric softener do Special Ed kids use? Downy"

"Where do poor Italians live? In the spaghetto..."

"Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are."

"WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God"