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Joke of the Day

"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot.. A carrot"

"What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? How the hell are we going to find any eggs in all this shit!"

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman? 'Do you smell carrots?'"

"The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not."

"Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go fuck yourself."

"There's no law that says you can't use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch."

"So a baby seal walks into a club ..."

"What do you call an entertaining female's tone of voice? A fun gal inflection You're welcome"

"China always cheat in the Olympics They always use the same person for every sport"