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Joke of the Day

"Now that Benedict XVI is out of work... ...like all good celebs, he's releasing a fragrance. Expect to see Popepourri on the shelves this summer."

"I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax."

"What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty."

"Is Google a Boy or a Girl? A girl, because it tries to complete your sentences for you, and it *never ever* forgets what you said."

"Playing Trivial Pursuit with Grandma: ""Name an animated character dedicated to cleaning up the planet, who loves Eva?"" Nana: ""Hitler."""

"What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t."

"The First Guy to Eat an Egg Person 1: ""Hey, dude. I'm gonna eat this!"" *Holds up egg* Person 2: ""What is it?"" Person 1: ""I don't know. I saw it come out of a chicken's butt."""

"""FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE"": BECAUSE YELLING, ""YOU SHOULD REALLY SIGNAL BEFORE YOU CHANGE LANES"" IS A TAD VERBOSE"

"Just heard Kim Kardashian's new song. All I'm going to say is that, for as many black dudes as she bangs, I expected more."

"Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it"