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Joke of the Day

"What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine? Do we have any papal towels?"

"I can't believe this couple has been together for 22 years. DEEZ NUTS."

"*caterpillar looks up at sky* ""My dream is to fly a plane one day."" Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?"

"What is Jasmine Tridevil's (girl with 3 boobs), favorite type of cake? Tres Leches!"

"The tenth of October is the only day of the year that I would recommend 10/10"

"[at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no"

"Did you hear about the new HBO series that investigates gambling in sports? It's called Thrown Games."

"Gas is so fracking expensive these days."

"Why should you never date a tennis player? Love means nothing to them."

"I'm so horrified right now. I'm on the treadmill reading about the bombings in Syria. And my T-shirt's on backwards!"