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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when your vegetables are boiled? Their wheelchair floats to the top."

"I was gonna make a chemistry joke... But all the good ones Argon."

"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre So the bartender gave it to her."

"I'll pay you to dress like a Comcast employee and let me hit you with my car."

"Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo"

"Ugly girls are basically just dudes I'm not allowed to fight."

"Darling, you are the most beautiful woman in this party! Did you invite these guests on purpose?"

"In the future everyone will be older."

"[Calls an ex] Ex: Hello Me: Remember how you lied about everything Ex: Why are you doing this Me: It's Throwback Thursday"

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home."