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Joke of the Day
"New drinking game: Draw a card, if it's black take a shot... I call it Ferguson."
Next Joke
"For most people when you lose your ""khakis"" you've lost your pants. When you're from Boston & lose your ""khakis"" you can't start your car."
"My ex mother in law once commented that she wished her son had stayed married to his first wife. Me too, I replied."
"Who do you call when your x wing is stolen The poelice"
"I want my tombstone to read: Don't feel too bad, he really liked sleeping"
"If I was a funeral director, I'd tell everyone ""I'll see you later"" & then wink, because it's fun to freak people out."
"October's cool because you can buy 60 Snickers, 48 beers, a hockey mask, chainsaw, 30 leaf bags and the cashier won't even acknowledge it."
"The last person who bought golden oreos at my Neighborhood's Walgreens and realized there was an entire row missing. I'm so sorry.."
"(NEW YEARS) what did the rabbi say on New year's. ""f#ck that, happy **Jew** years!!"""
"I'm on a version of the Paleo Diet where I eat anything I want knowing that my fossilized remains will be plenty thin in 2.5 million years."