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Joke of the Day
"Whenever I hear someone scream ""Call an ambulance,"" I'm like, um, ever heard of email"
Next Joke
"What do you do with your gum when there isn't a trash can/little kid's hair to throw it in?"
"Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies."
"I forgot a bag of groceries in my taxi. It's been driving me bananas."
"A guy goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" And the guy's like, ""Wait, why?"" The doctor reploes, ""So I can examine you."""
"A woman runs into a panhandler on the street... Panhandler: ""Would you please spare me some change? I haven't eaten in three days.."" Woman: ""Well, you've gotta force yourself."""
"A cop came to my house and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes that's ridiculous I said, my dogs don't ride bikes."
"I think a duck's opinion of me, is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!"
"Turns out I am a master of Tantric Maths. I can stare at the page for hours and the answer never comes."
"I illegally download music, but only Metallica. They seem to be pretty cool about it."