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Joke of the Day

"My dream job is to be a mirror cleaner I think I could really see myself doing that. \\_()_/ "

"On Possession So me and my sister when in a fight and she said, ""Your so possessive"", I responded, ""What about my possession, is it ok?"

"My friend told me he could eat a fucking horse. I was like, ""Jesus man, you might as well eat both of them whilst they're at it."""

"WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?"

"If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot."

"My three-year-old daughter said to me, ""You should go back to college to learn more about being nice."""

"What did the deaf, blind dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"I still remember when airlines gave you two choices; smoking, and chain smoking."

"I never really understood porn. I mean what does she really see in him? I doubt he even loves her."

"A hamburger and french fries walk into a bar... The bartender looks at them and says, ""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""