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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cat that urinates in your shoes? Piss in boots Credit: My flatmate"

"Crocs Why is wearing Crocs like getting a blowjob from a man? Because it feels fantastic, but then you look down and realise you're gay."

"How many climate change deniers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What are you talking about? The bulb is fine."

"Why is it that in girls tampons commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burning stuff down?"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That is a trick question, feminists can't change anything."

"What do they call a dog in Iraq? A Shia pet. *friend of mine came up with this and was pretty proud of himself"

"Success is just like being pregnant."

"You're only as old as you feel, they say. So, 80. Today it's 80."

"""I saw mommy kissing santa claus"" has the same number of syllables as ""I saw someone die at Disney World."" Life's funny like that."

"[1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*"