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Joke of the Day

"isis was planning to use biological warfare against David Cameron... but they got anthrax mixed up with tampax and poisoned the wrong cunt"

"In my day a hand on my crotch was third base... now even a hand job is a foul ball!"

"Think of a number 1 through 10. Double it, Subtract 1, add 20, multiply it by 5, add 2, divide by 2, close your eyes, dark, isn't it?"

"Instagram now has video! I'm going to film the hell out of this salad!"

"This is a dark one! A black baby, pickle and a blender. what do you get? A Nickle!"

"Why is a buffet like a strip club? You'll regret going to a cheap one."

"""I came, I saw, I left."" - Premature ejaculator after visiting a porno shop."

"Amazon Prime would be a good title for a Wonder Woman movie."

"Moonwalking away after mugging someone because you're a smooth criminal."

"Me: I love you Wife: I will testify against you if required"