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Joke of the Day

"isis was planning to use biological warfare against David Cameron... but they got anthrax mixed up with tampax and poisoned the wrong cunt"

"If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread. Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts."

"I'm watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit."

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs."

"I know a woman with an uncontrollable sexual desire towards books. She's an infomaniac"

"My little sister's cat died... ...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Tyson."

"A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse."

"I went to my doctor. He said I was overweight. I said I want a second opinion. He said you're ugly too."

"Did you know Captain Kirk has three ears? Left ear, right ear... and final front ear."