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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet ? He wrecked three cars a bus and two fire engines !"

"Scared the hell out of a stranger by sayin' ""good morning"" to 'em. That's a thing people used to do. Google it"

"Its important you remember that unprotected phone sex........"

"I thought I fell in love with my blender ...but now I have mixed feelings"

"Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people? He needed places to hide the bodies."

"What is the size of women in Italy? Itali-cized."

"I got arrested for sexually assaulting my teacher I was homeschooled"

"Why doesn't Gabe Newell have kids? He can't get to 3rd base"

"Today in linear algebra we were ranking matrices I said the first was the best then the second and the third was the worst"

"""Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."""