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Joke of the Day
"My brother forgot his apple today. Until he was rear-ended by a doctor."
Next Joke
"What do you say to two dust particles making out in the street? Get a broom, you two."
"[1st date] So, what's your back story? ""I have scoliosis"" No, I mean your BACK STORY, like your history ""Oh! I got scoliosis as a child"""
"I'm trying to choose a Freudian therapist... ...but they're all sex of one, half a dozen of your mother."
"Coffee shop barista thinks I look homeless because I'm fashionable. Joke's on her. I look homeless because I'm lazy."
"What did the flatulent man say to the preacher during confession? Forgive me Father, for i have wind."
"Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things."
"There once was a fellow McSweeny... Who spilled some gin on his weenie. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, Then slipped his girlfriend a martini!"
"[hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say"
"What do you call a black man on the moon? An afronaut."