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Joke of the Day

"Knock Knock. Who's There? Not Comcast."

"Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? Me: hmm that's a tough one. I guess I'd probably have to say listening is my biggest strength"

"I love you -My Dad"

"19 and 20 got into a fight... Now they're facing 123 years on disturbing the peace."

"My favorite short joke. How much cum does a queer have? ... A buttload. I always found this humorous because a lot of people use 'shit load' or 'fuck ton' as units of measure."

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today... ...It is already tomorrow in Australia."

"I was thinking about spending $100 to watch the boxing match tonight... But why would I spend money to see Mayweather when I can just look outside?"

"""Get a womb!"" - me when I see two babies making out."

"My apartment smells like someone just took a dump, but nobody is home... That's some spooky shit."

"THEM: You can't go wrong with this recipe. ME: Watch me."