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Joke of the Day

"My favorite short joke. How much cum does a queer have? ... A buttload. I always found this humorous because a lot of people use 'shit load' or 'fuck ton' as units of measure."

"my car is dead & i saw a dead spider under the hood so like, do i need a new spider? i dont know a lot about how cars work"

"Why don't they play poker in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!"

"What do you call it when you kill an important donkey? An Assassassination. I made it up when I was seven and to this day its the only thing I've ever made up that resembles a joke."

"My kid can build an entire city with a stick & a bale of hay in Minecraft but you ask him to load the dishwasher & suddenly he's brain dead"

"Today marks 365 days of sobriety. 364 more to go"

"Two parallel lines match on tinder But they never meet."

"Why was the piggy bank invented? To keep the jews away."

"MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend dear. Fall down when she hits you."