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Joke of the Day

"[alarm clock goes off] ok it's happening again it's a day and it's here again *googling* day again why how to unsubscribe days"

"Why is Darth Vader black? Because he left his son."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef strokin off"

"My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now."

"""Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.."" *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*"

"Whats the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest? A bomb vest does something when triggered."

"This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days."

"If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie"

"How does Mike Tyson track Will Smith in the snow? He looks for fresh prints."

"I wanted to shave my testicles... But I didn't have the balls."