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Joke of the Day

"""We need to kill the terrorist NOW"" But how.. ""The human body is 70% water"" Jesus, you know what to do *terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*"

"My girlfriend and I are in sync! Like the band. Or soap."

"Confucius Says Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."

"It's called karma, and it's pronounced ""haha! Screw you!"""

"Teacher:""Okay class, time to take a test. Please take out your no.2 pencils."" *Takes out no.1 pencil* ( )"

"Did you hear about the fight in the bathroom? Shit went down"

"Is it fair to say Marvin Lewis' joke bout Johnny Manziel... went over everybody's head?"

"Why was the dictionary on the top shelf more expensive than the one on the bottom... Because it was a higher definition"

"[phone w/ son while in bank thats being robbed] in case this goes bad, go to google on the iPad and delete ""can owls fly"" before mom sees it"

"Just finished reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at the start but by the end I liked it."