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Joke of the Day

"To protest Donald Sterling's racist comments I'm going to continue to not care about basketball."

"Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you."

"If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy."

"People keep comparing Trump to Hitler, but that is just not true. I mean, Hitler could paint."

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing zone in a swimming pool."

"The main reason that Santa is so jolly ... is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"I just caught an alien maturbating in my freezer. He looked up at me and said, ""I cum in peas"""

"Say what you will about terrorism in Europe At least our planes take off and land at an airport."

"I was thinking of making sperm-brand merchandise... ...because sex cells"

"Close the door. You're letting the wifi out."