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Joke of the Day

"If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy."

"Being cremated..... ..... is my last hope for a smoking hot body."

"What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison? One can't see to go the other can't go to sea."

"Why do vampires drink virgin blood? If you were going to eat a sandwich, you would enjoy it more knowing no one had fucked it"

"How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine? Just Juan and Emmanuel."

"How many kids with ADSD does it take to change a lightbulb? ""Lets go ride our bikes!"""

"What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman? Prison"

"Infants annoy me How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? you nail it's other hand to the floor"

"Today, the tree my family planted 15 years ago died and had to be cut down. I'm mourning wood."

"My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human."