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Joke of the Day

"My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd"

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Walks home."

"Erlich Bachman. This is you as a old mayn. I'm a ugly and dead, alone."

"So I Went to the doctor And he told me to quit masturbating. I said ""whys that?"" He said ""Because you're in my office"""

"Octopus 1-you up for tennis? Octopus 2- I cant my tennis elbows are actin up again Octo1-..we dont have elb Octo2- I DONT WANNA PLAY CARL"

"Thanks for the 27 hashtags describing your pic otherwise I would have never known it's a hamburger"

"English teacher asks me, ""What's an example of pleonasm? ""Troublesome Woman"""

"At first I hated my new haircut... but it's growing on me."

"Suicide Bomber They said, ""If you blow up the building, you'll get 72 virgins when you go to heaven!"" I said, ""How about I just vandalize it for 5 sluts right now?"""

"I just heard a woman in a supermarket say this to her 7 year old daughter... ""Don't spit! Ladies never spit!"" Fcuking. Priceless."