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Joke of the Day
"Wow, this is a pretty shit joke... ...said no one ever."
Next Joke
"I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there."
"Nice try, operating instructions. Nice try. I've got this. *grabs a hammer*"
"No matter how angry you get about something... ... you can't any angrier than a midget with a yo-yo."
"Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it."
"How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy? Because old Hobbits die hard..."
"What's the difference between Trump and Clinton? 62 Electoral Votes"
"4/20 It's Hitler's birthday today... ... I guess that brings a whole another meaning to ""Smoking a J"""
"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"
"""Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail."" - me making a phone call"