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Joke of the Day

"""Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail."" - me making a phone call"

"I've been watching so much porn lately I spit on my hotdog before putting it the bun."

"I was just told I'm someones BFF. Being the idiot I am, I had to google it. Backup-file Format is a euphemism for something hot right?"

"My wife ran off with my next door neighbour.. I sure do miss him."

"Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, ""Whoa."" Then we high-fived."

"What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions? A Humblebee."

"Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot."

"*Shoves a guy* I think you mean the SECOND biggest ""The Sound of Music"" fan on earth, bro."

"Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip."

"Went out to play Pokemon Go, found the meaning of life. It's Golbat."