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Joke of the Day

"Today is my birthday, and my lesbian neighbors decided to gift me a Rolex. I don't think they quite understood when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"My brother threw a yellow turnip at me while I was sleeping It was a rutabaganing."

"I would tell you a FedEx joke... but you'd probably wouldn't receive it until a week or so."

"Why are there so few Christians on 4chan? Because religious people don't like faggots"

"Because 'brunch' sounds better than 'I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.'"

"I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant."

"Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names"

"Hey baby, did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan."

"wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous"

"Has anyone here ever smelled mothballs? I'm having trouble getting their tiny legs open."