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Joke of the Day

"Today is my birthday, and my lesbian neighbors decided to gift me a Rolex. I don't think they quite understood when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"How do you get a blonde on a roof? Tell her drinks are on the house."

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone and a bitch sleeps with everyone but you."

"What do you call a caffeinated beverage that lasts forever? Infini-tea."

"Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!"

"One good thing about pedophiles....! At least they drive slow in school zones...!"

"What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go? Flabio"

"Why did Jim die from eating at an Italian restaurant? Because he asked for 'ebola spaghetti'"

"Remote start, keyless entry, feature allows me the privilege of losing my keys- while I'm driving."

"Why Doesn't Humpty Dumpty Believe in Anything? Because he's an EGGnostic!"