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Joke of the Day

"I asked my friend if he ever went skiing. . . ""Not in real life, only in Florida."" "

"I am so perfect... ... I only have four flaws. 1) I lack humility. b) I'm inconsistent. Finally, I can't count."

"Why did the woman miss the spaghetti train? Because it went straight pasta!"

"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"

"Caesar: friends, Romans countryman lend me your ear... [2 days later] *Caesar opens mailbox* ""oh FFS Van Gogh IT'S A SAYING!!!!!'"

"Bill Cosby has finally agreed to an interview to discuss the accusations of rape. He invited Katie Couric up to his hotel room for a quick drink and a chat."

"Q: What are the small bumps around a woman s nipples for? A: It's Braille for 'Suck here.'"

"Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they"

"I was looking at the baseball, trying to figure out why it was getting larger. Then it hit me."

"Why do nursing homes give men Viagra before they sleep? So they won't roll out of bed."