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Joke of the Day

"Ever wonder why children tend to ignore their parents who underwent a sex change op? It's because they are trans-parent."

"What does Happy Meal and a lonely girl have in common? They both come with a toy in the box."

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Punch her in the face."

"Did you hear about the constipated chancellor of the exchequer? He couldn't budge-it!"

"Why would John F. Kennedy make a horrible boxer? Because he can't take a shot to the head."

"Ted said to his friend 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8' his friend replied. That's OK you can always owe me the other $2!"

"Pretty certain the day I die my body will be found tangled in Saran Wrap with an untouched sandwich on the counter."

"If anyone's seen me at my best, and seen me at my worse, and still accepts me for who I am, it's definitely the liquor store."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Hippies screw in vans."

"Why do elephants drink so much? To try to forget!"