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Joke of the Day

"Pretty certain the day I die my body will be found tangled in Saran Wrap with an untouched sandwich on the counter."

"Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!"

"*looks at watch* come on, I gotta get back to browsing the same four websites over and over"

"Why did Bill Gates get sick? Because he left the Windows open."

"What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station? Whoops, wrong sub."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change."

"I made a list of my favorite asses... It's a big ass list."

"Why did the condom fly away? It got pissed off."

"What do you call it when a group of people in a single vehicle travel through a lengthy underpass? Carpool tunnel!"

"I have a friend who is pregnant. Trouble is, she slept around so much that she has no idea who the mother is."