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Joke of the Day

"Fuuuuck yeah! (shakes pill bottle) Tonight we gonna get completely, totally... (reads label) Antifungal"

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years."

"I bought a My Little Pony T-shirt the other day. Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all."

"Why are fire trucks red? Because if someone pulled your hose you would be red too."

"What do a rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with it, the harder it gets."

"My girlfriend and I played footsie at the family table and I climaxed. Turns out it was her grandma. I guess I got off on the wrong foot."

"Why did the old lady fall into the well? Because she didn't see that well."

"What's the difference between a Ferrari and a box of dead babies ? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"Me: I should stop drinking Me: Why? Me: I dunno Me: You're awesome when you drink Me: Really? Me: Yeah Me: Thanks, me. You're alright"

"What do you call it when an Asian's imaginary friend dies? Make-bereave"