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Joke of the Day

"It's actually pretty convenient the Alan Rickman died so soon after David Bowie. You can just move your lightning bolt up a few inches for the funeral and fit right in."

"How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Pattie"

"Twiter helps me keep my finger on the pulse of what today's youth is jazzing & vibing to. #hip #relevant"

"The inventor of rock, paper, scissors must have been an extremely dangerous man if he considered paper a weapon."

"A dyslexic boy was beaten up by classmates for trying to ride on the regular bus instead of the short bus. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Did you hear that the BBC have sacked Bob the Builder? They feel they can no longer trust a children's TV star who claims to be able to 'fix it'"

"Fun Fact: If someone's car alarm keeps going off, you're legally obligated to set the car on fire."

"I like my women like I like my dick... ...kept in a dark place and taken out to be beaten every once in a while"

"Dad: Whadya got there son? Son: Soy milk. Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre."

"I like my women just like my wine 10 years old and locked in the cellar."