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Joke of the Day

"""well that's a load on my back"" - relieved slut"

"Knock Knock Fuck Donald Trump"

"My girlfriend is an atheist. Which is a problem, because I'm a god."

"""Jesus loves you."" A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."

"What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage"

"Q: Why don't blind people skydive more often? A: It scares the hell out of their dogs."

"Hit a squirrel with my car on the way home from the grocery store. If I knew that was going to happen, I wouldn't have bought all this meat."

"""I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets"" ""Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"""

"Hello mother. Hello father. Here I am at Camp Marijuana. Crack is good, but weed is better, I'm so f*cked up, a friend wrote this letter."

"Please do not power off or unplug your machine. Installing update 45 of 9484727192873828277362517293847265127826262827262726273633833727..."