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Joke of the Day

"imagined Beyonce taking a dump and it ruined my morning"

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"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot."
"I want to start a cafe and fill it with surrealist paintings. I'll call it Salvador Deli."
"What does Tom Cruise have in common with gay porn stars? All their best work is behind them"
"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change bulbs and 3 to sit around and complain that the original was better."
"Where do ants go to eat ? At a restaurant !"
"Donald Trump is cancelling the Dawn Of Justice movie He's doing it since one of the main characters, Superman, is an illegal alien."
"When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write ""Do Not Eat"" on silica gel packets."
"What soup weighs the most? Wanton soup. I'll leave now."
"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"